Exposed
January 14, 2014
Today a client said to me that she felt “exposed” by the process of branding herself. In the past she had a storefront that created some distance between her customers and her private self. In creating a virtual platform for her business, and using her own name, I can understand why she feels naked to a certain degree.
The internet has turned many of our long-held views about privacy, business and relationships upside down and inside out. If you grew up in an era when “entre-nous” was the watchword and privacy was guarded at all costs, then this new, tell-all age can be disconcerting and confusing. What are the rules? How do we behave?
Whether you’re a fashion designer, actor, composer, musician, artist, writer, academic, politician, athlete, corporate titan, entrepreneur or the accidental-recipient-of-your-“fifteen-minutes-of-fame” – whatever puts you in the public’s eye makes you vulnerable to inspection, judgement, a degree of privacy loss (or several degrees, depending on the situation) and possibly praise or abuse.
I would like to think that we can control ourselves and respond appropriately. History and pop culture often prove me wrong. Somehow we’ve gotten into the habit of reinforcing bad behavior with publicity. Kind of like the saying when something goes right we tell ten people, but when something goes wrong, we tell 100.
Social media has given us several platforms from which to share the good and the bad. I am not one to condemn social media or any media for that matter. “It’s not the medium, it’s the message.” And, if we chose to air our dirty laundry in public, that’s a choice we’ve made and to a certain extent, must accept the consequences.
Public vs. Private?
How is it that many people go through their public and private lives with nary a hitch? I think it comes down to respect. Respect for oneself and others. Those who are successful handle their public persona responsibly and carefully. They monitor what is said about them and correct mistakes. And they are careful about what they say to others. I would guess that the people you don’t hear bad things about have a very good reason: they don’t behave badly. They adhere to a moral and ethical code. They have self-esteem and integrity. And they try to keep what should be private, private.
So how do well-known people promote what they do without feeling naked? It’s tricky, no doubt, but they draw a line. They only reveal what is relevant to their goal. They create boundaries and rules for themselves on what is fair game and what isn’t. So for all the haters out there, respect the boundaries you’re asked not to cross.
Not everything in the world is my business or your business unless someone tells us it is.
The bottom line for me is to follow these five pretty simple rules. And I advise my clients to do the same:
- Listen carefully
- Speak thoughtfully
- Respect others
- Treat the other person as you wish to be treated
- Remember that we’re all human. We make mistakes. Apologize. Forgive. Smile. Move on.
There are ways to experience the spotlight without feeling exposed.